​1.  Expensive Furniture
When our firstborn hadn't yet made her appearance, my husband and I went crib shopping. I knew what I wanted:  a white crib. It didn't have to be fancy. But I really wanted it to be white. My wish list was simple.

And then I went into the Babies Deserve Expensive Furniture Store. All of a sudden, we were presented with options we had never dreamed of. Wood cribs that cost a month's salary. Carved. Convertible into youth beds, twin-sized beds, and--for those people who really like to plan ahead--even into full- or queen-sized beds. And on those cribs, the bedding options were endless and almost as expensive.

Children need a safe place to sleep. They do not necessarily need a crib that costs as much as some people's cars. (Spoiler alert: Babies are notoriously hard on cribs. The age they are in the crib is the same age in which they teethe. Just saying.)  

I promise you, your 18-year-old will not want to take his crib to college in the new, morphed form of a twin-size bed. Nor will your twenty-eight-year-old want to take it into marriage. (Nor, probably, will his new wife.) But it makes for an awfully good sales spiel. You love that yet-unborn baby, right? So of course you want their baby throne room (nursery) to look like something from a magazine.

You might, but they don't care. It will just be a point of frustration for you when your 6-month-old is teething on his future college furniture. (Not to mention, baby number two usually comes around before baby number 1 is out of the crib, so you probably don't even need it to convert to a toddler bed!)

We settled for a yard-sale find. Metal, with wheels. (I strongly suggest wheels). In white. 

2.  Name brand clothing.
Yes, your two-year-old will look adorable in Ralph Lauren Polo shirts and Baby Gap chinos. And, yes, people buy name brand clothes because they think they are better quality. Many times, they are. But when your boys are of an age where they put holes in the knees of their brand new pants at recess, you will want to reconsider your options. If you do buy name brand clothes, try to get them on sale or used. That way you can continue to shower love and patience on your child (instead of irritated frustration as you watch your money go down the drain). Also, remember that kids don't care about name brands. Only parents do. If children care, it is often because parents have taught them to care. And when they become teenagers. . . ugh! We reap what we sow.

3.  A TV in their room.
Please don't do this to your children! When they are young, they need undisturbed sleep. When they are older, the last thing they need is the temptation. In fact, one of the very best gifts you could give your child is a TV-free childhood.

4.  A laptop/cell phone/tablet.
Kids' tablets are being marketed as toys. Kindle sells a Fire for children. Do you really want your children addicted to technology from a young age?

Children these days often don't know how to read books, do puzzles, or play board games because all they do is play games on tablets or watch TV. They are missing out on many of the great aspects of childhood. Give them a violin. Give them piano lessons. Give them art supplies. Give them board games and creativity-sparking toys like Legos and wooden blocks. Take them to the park. Teach them to ride a bike. Teach them skills and creativity. Give them a good start to life. Don't turn them into iPad addicts at a young age. 

Why do we do this? I am convinced we sometimes do it out of selfishness. We want them to be preoccupied without any work on our part. Let's love and honor our children more than that.

5.  Junk food.
Children need food in their tummies. They do not need a daily dose of fried chicken and Coke. They do not need sugar-coated-chocolate-bomb cereal in the morning. They also do not need to be sedated in church with candy. Children need real, honest-to-goodness, healthy food. They need meals at regular times. They need healthy snacks in between their healthy meals. If you fail at providing this, you will have cranky children. Give your children the gift of health by teaching them to enjoy nutritious food while they are young.

Here are six key questions to ask when making decisions about a purchase for your child:

• Am I doing what is truly best for my child or what I think is best for me?
• Am I making this decision out of pride?
• Am I making this decision out of selfishness?
• Am I making this decision because I don't want my child to throw a fit or feel deprived?
• What am I teaching my children about money when I purchase these things?
• What can I do to give my children genuine life skills while they are still young?

Our mission as mothers is to bring these children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord! Let's live with that mission in mind each day as we make difficult choices like these.

Marriages flounder when spouses misunderstand their roles.  
Here are some questions for wives to ask as we read the Word of God:

• What are God's priorities for my life?
• How does God want me to treat my husband?
• How does God expect me to balance all of my responsibilities?
• What character qualities does God want my life to exhibit?
• How do I become the woman God wants me to be?

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You and I can be wives with a mission. A mission to lavishly fulfill our role in life. A mission to complete our husband, not compete with him. A mission to love and respect our husband, to bring him good all the days of our lives, and to pray for him daily as he fulfills his own role in life.

Live with a mission!

​"We want to invite you for dinner. . . At your house."

It was, perhaps, one of the more unique invitations we had every been extended. But it was a practical solution to a dilemma. They didn't let their small house stand in the way of practicing hospitality.

Does your house feel too small to have company over?  Here are some suggestions.

1. Take food to them.
Like our hosts/guests, you can invite yourself over and bring the food.

2. Invite them to meet you at a nearby park.
Let the kids play on the playground while the adults talk. Take a walk together. Eat at picnic tables.

3. Have them for a meal at your church.
Get permission first and clean up afterwards. 

4. Have an outdoor meal in your backyard.
Grill out. Play a ball game afterwards or roast s'mores around a campfire.

5. Take them out to eat.
It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant. In the summer it could be an ice cream shop. Pick something that fits your budget.

6. Squeeze.
It's okay. Nobody really minds.

We are a big family, but we have had people graciously extend hospitality to us by means of each of these ideas, and we now treasure precious memories of the fellowship we shared with them. We have also wrangled a number of these ourselves. 

Where there's a will, there will always be a way. Don't let the size of your house keep you from experiencing the pleasure and rewards of hospitality!

My husband did it again.

"Nine or ten people are coming for graduation. Can we house them?"
And, boom, just like that, I have a decision to make. Am I willing to open my doors to this dear group of believers? I already had another family that was planning to stay with us.

I love having house guests. I grew up with nine siblings. Our house was always full and never quiet. Also, my mother set a great example to follow. She never turned down guests or an opportunity to watch other people's children. "With ten children in the house, what's four more?" she would say serenely. "We won't even notice that they are there." That last statement was probably 50% idealistic fiction but, regardless, extra people were always popping in and out of our already full house.

And then I married my husband and discovered that this solemn, studious, hermit of a scholar was also The King Of Generous Hospitality.
"Can we have our entire Sunday School department and their children over for a meal and fellowship?" Sure, honey.
"Can we have dinner for our 20 graduate students and their wives at our house?" Sure, honey. 
"I know you are pregnant with twins, but I have 5 pastors and their wives who need to be housed. . . " Sure, honey.
"You are busy homeschooling and we are packing up our house and turning it into a dorm before we leave for furlough, but can we house a fifteen-person mission team while you do that?"  Sure, honey.

One time, to my children's lavish enjoyment (because they like house guests even more than I do), we ended up with two short-term missionaries living with us for a year. Then we added a single man for three months.  Then we added another man who was taking a survey trip for a few weeks. He came and went throughout all Asia, and while he was in a "went" stage, we added a group of four Koreans. They barely left before we added a family of five. (And then the stomach virus hit, but that is another story. . . )
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So, once again, I find myself saying, "Sure, honey." Only, even though my response is addressed to my husband, I'm actually acquiescing to God, deliberately choosing not to say no to something I know He is asking me to do. And I'm looking forward to it.
But I can't always claim that.  
Hospitality is not totally without a struggle. 
Even in this particular instance, I have to counter all of my internal questions. Maybe you, when presented with an opportunity to be hospitable, have to run through these questions as well:
Do I have time? Do I have enough energy? Do I have enough space for everyone? Food? Pillows? Mattresses for all? Do I have enough gumption to poke my head out of my introvertish turtle shell and make conversation?
In this time, one thought guides my decision-making process about all of these things. 
"It's not mine."

None of these things are mine. 
My time is not mine.  My house is not mine.  My food is not mine.  My family is not mine.  My energy is not mine. My pillow/sheet/mattress/couch/floor space/rice/refrigerator is not mine.
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None of it is mine; it is all God's.

There are many commands God has given about Christian hospitality:

• Contribute to the needs of the saints and show hospitality.  (Rom. 12:13)
• Love one another with a pure heart fervently.  (I Peter 1:22)
• Show hospitality without grumbling.  (I Pet. 4:9)
• Don't forget to entertain strangers. . . You might be surprised with an angel. (Heb. 13:2)
• Give and it shall be given unto you. (Luke 6:38)
• Pastors must be hospitable. (Titus 1:8, I Tim. 3:2)

These are quite pointed Scriptural admonitions.
But in the moment when I have to make this decision, for some reason, this is the truth God gently reminds me:
It's not mine.